| Yea, yea, I know. . . its been awhile. Whatever. . .sheddup. So its over. A season completed, and the true games begin. Practice is over, now its time for the big dog. . . winter. And as excited as I am, I still hate it. Because its another whole season of like no time for anything other than the line. Its what you are, its what you become. and I love it. But theres other things in life too. . . for me mainly theresa. . . and since she too has sold her soul to winter, it makes it even harder, even less time because whenever I'm off shes not and whenever she's off, Im not. Sigh. . . At least in Marching Band we went to the same places, got the free time together. But with winter, its so different, never in the same place, never getting to check on her, usually wonderin how shes doin, what shes doin, that kinda stuff, and the whole time feeling so alone inside while maintaining a calm exterior. Ah, the games of winter. . . so bittersweet. Cuz theres this overwhelming wonder of performing in winter, something even other marching band kids dont get. . .just something otherworldly. . .and yet at the same time knowing that no one you want to be watching is watching. . . eh oh well. So yea, anyway, marching band ended. We went out with a hell of a bang too. . .Basses completely amazed me over the weekend, and the week before too. I saw work, and hard core too. . . and its so great. . . I know im kinda an asshole when it comes to drumline. . .I get very irritable and I tend to snap and not point out the good things so much as the bad. Yet despite that, I hope that in some way the basses managed to deal with me. . Id like to think that I was close enough to be called a friend, but if not, then Ill at least settle for being respected. . . and if not that. . . then so be it I guess.
So that felt like a time to change gears. Theresa and I are still good. . . kinda rollercoasterish right now. . .but good I hope. . . I know I love her terribly, and I assumed/hope she loves me back. . . it seems obvious unless I'm reading the wrong signs like I have been for so long. . . it just sucked cuz I had wanted this weekend to be hers, a good time for her. . .and ever time it got good, i managed to ruin it again for the night or the morning or however long. . .but Im trying. . . so damn hard.
Nother shift. . . wrote some new poems, gonna hook y'all up with one today, one the next time i edit it and update this. . .keep the comments coming. . .please, they make me feel better lol.
Pieces
I watch it all come down, crumble away,
Sinking ever further, fading day by day.
How much can I take, I don't think much more. . .
I just want to smash my life to pieces so I can sweep it off the floor.
I watched it all build up, I saw it all,
Built up the structure, strong to stop a fall.
Little did I know, there was a flaw in the design,
A gaping hole in the building, meant as a sign.
But I missed the clue, was caught by surprise,
Never again to feel as if I can raise my eyes. . .
Now my life is sinking, falling down to the floor,
And I just want to smash it all to pieces, so I can't feel anymore.
Can I make another rise, build it up again,
Bring everything together, as it should have been?
Or leave it ever sinking, leave it until its lost,
And sit there reminiscing, wondering at the cost?
The hesitation decided, I lost my chance to choose. . .
And so when one can't decide to win, all thats left is to lose.
And now that it has all sunken down, I'm stuck here on the floor,
So now I'll smash my life to pieces. . .and leave it forever more. . .
Kinda morbid. . .but I was kinda impressed wit myself. . . lemme know watcha think. I love you Tumey. . . .almost there. . . |
